Death and Funeral Ceremonies

Regardless of if you are religious or not, it is impossible not to feel sad when someone dies. Jews recognise this and the customs and practices that they follow help the mourners to express their grief. The following is a discussion with the Stienburg family about the death of Abraham and gives an insight into the death customs and traditions.

Facing up to death

Abraham had been ill for some time and knew that he was dying. As he reached the point where he felt that he was near the end he called his family around him and asked for his prayer book. The Jewish prayer book has a page entitled 'confession on a death bed' and it was at this page that he wanted the book opened. Abraham read the prayer as well as he could and it expressed that if God wants to end his life he is ready to accept the will of God. The prayer also asks God to protect his family and ends with the words 'Into thy hand O Lord I commend my spirit ... O Lord of truth, Amen'

Since he could not read the rest of the page, his son read the Hebrew for him. The prayers for the dying are typed below;

The Lord reigneth ; the Lord has reigned; the Lord shall reign for ever and ever. (To be repeated three times) The Lord he is God (To be said seven times) Hear O Israel : The lord our God the Lord is one

When he died the family did something which non-Jewish observers would find very strange they took hold of a garment that they were wearing and tore it. This is an ancient Jewish customs and helps to vent the anger that they are feeling at the death of a loved one.

A candle was lit and placed at the head of the bed. One of his sons remained with the body and quietly recited some of the psalms. From now until the burial, the body would not be left alone.

Arrangements were made for the funeral, for it is the tradition for the Jews to bury the body, if at all possible within 24 hours of death. The undertaker provided a simple coffin and Abraham was wrapped in his Tallit (prayer shawl) The fringes, representing the 613 religious rules that Jews should observe, were removed because Abraham was no longer of this earth and this would not have to observe these earthly rules.

The Funeral

At Home : Before leaving for the cemetery the Rabbi conducted a short service at home. He read some passages from the scriptures that were appropriate to the occasion. Including the following prayer;

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away .... Blessed be the name of the Lord"

A Psalm was also read which gave words of comfort to the mourners. In addition a tribute was given to Abraham by a close friend. The mourners then move to the graveside. As the coffin is lowered into the ground the Rabbi says 'May he come to his place in peace' . everyone present then shovels some earth into the grave to help fill it up. This helps those who are grieving to accept the death of the deceased. As the close family leave the graveside the other mourners say 'May the Lord comfort you among the others mourners of Zion and Jerusalem'.

The Kaddish

A prayer is said at the prayer house before which the mourners wash their hands to symbolise that at the end of time God will wash away all the tears of all the mourners. After the funeral the mourners go home and have a simple meal of eggs and bread. The egg represents new life in the midst of death and the bread is seen as the staff of life. The period of time from the funeral and for seven days after is the Shiva and during this time it is the custom for friends and family to call at the home of the deceased and talk about the person who has died. Each day during the Shiva morning and evening prayers are said at the home of the deceased. Always the prayer ends with the Kaddish, the prayer which glorifies God.

A Year later

A year after his death the family will return to the grave of Abraham and a headstone will be erected at the grave. The grave will be covered with a cloth and after the saying of some prayers and psalms the cloth will be removed and the inscription read aloud. This will help keep the memory of Abraham alive. Each year on the anniversary of his death, The Yahrzeit, some of the family say the Kaddish and a candle is lit that will burn for 24 hours. In many synagogues there are small memorial plaques with the names of the deceased and each has a little light that will be turned on during the anniversary of death. Many say that it is a reminded that a persons soul is like a light that is kindled by God.

A Jewish Story about death

'Rabbi Meir had two young sons each of whom he loved dearly. Both of them died on the same day; it was the Sabbath and the Rabbi was at the house of learning teaching his people about their faith. On his return his wife greeted him with a question. 'Some time ago a friend gave me some jewels to keep for him. Today he demands their return; what shall I do ?' The Rabbi replied "Of course you must give back the jewels, I do not understand why you ask such a question' His wife took him by the hand and led him into the room where the children lay dead. 'These", she said, "Are the jewels that I must return.' The Rabbi through his tears spoke the words from the scriptures, 'The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord'.