Marriage

"This is why a man leaves his mother and father and is united to his wife, and the two become one flesh"

The present form of the wedding ceremony devices from the two parts of the original ceremony. The first part of which was the betrothal and the second the wedding which would follow a year later. The fiancee would normally remain with her parents during the betrothal period. The betrothal did not confer conjugal rights. The marriage itself would take place under the Chuppah, often, but not always in the synagogue.

The two parts of the ceremony joined together in the 16th century, partly due to the greater possibility of separation during the Betrothal period and partly to stop people separation between Betrothal and marriage. This would have meant because Betrothal is legally binding that the couple would have divorce even though they had not married.

This betrothal ceremony is known as a KIDDUSHIN meaning blessed or sanctified, a word which is rightly applied to the wedding service which ends after the reading of the Ketubah or marriage contract. The wedding may take place on any day except the Sabbath or a feast day.

The order of the marriage service with notes on the symbols

1. The Chuppah

The whole of the wedding service takes place under the Chuppah. This is usually a canopy supported by four poles and normally decorated with fringes and flowers. The chuppah is a symbol of the home that the couple will set up together after the marriage. Because of our climate the chuppah is normally inside, but in warmer countries it will normally be outside with the friends of the groom holding up the corners of the canopy. The service is held outside to remind the bride and groom of the promise to Abraham that the children of Israel would number like the stars in the heavens. The service must take place within the presence of a minyan, ten adult Jewish males (or males and females in the Reform tradition)

2. Signing the KETUBAH

Before the bride enters the synagogue the bridegroom will sign the Ketubah, thus signifying the terms of the contract for the marriage. The Ketubah is a "bill of rights" for the woman since it sets out the responsibilities of the husband, the wording of the document is about 2000 years old.

3. The KETUBAH

The ketubah is written in Aramaic. It is a declaration of intent, in which the groom promises to follow the "custom of Jewish husbands in caring for their wives, honouring, supporting and maintaining them", and to give her, "food clothing and necessities". He also agrees to pay her a certain amount of money should they divorce.

a) Exodus 20:10 sets out the rights of the woman
b) The signing in the presence of two witnesses makes it legal
c) The role of the good wife is praised in Proverbs 31:10-31

4. Waiting for the bride

The groom now waits for his bride under the chuppah, at a signal the bride enters in procession. The bride will come with a collection of close relatives and friends who take their place on either side of the chuppah. As the bride enters a special blessing is sung.

a) In Genesis 22 God brought Eve to Adam after the creation
b) "At your right hand stands your queen". [Psalm 45:9] from this comes the tradition of standing on the right.
c) In some communities the bride may circle the husband 3 or 7 times.

5. A song of welcome

A song of welcome is sung by the congregation and this is followed by an address by the rabbi about the values of marriage. The Rabbi joins the couple under the canopy for the address.

6. The betrothal

The betrothal blessing is recited over a goblet of wine and God is praised for guiding humanity by giving laws about marriage. The couple then drink from the goblet and the groom places a ring on the right index finger of the bride.

a) The blessing is said over the wine, it does not bless the wine
b) Laws relating to marriage Exodus 20:14 and Deuteronomy 22:24
c) Marriage is regarded as strengthening the Jewish nation and thus is highly regarded.

The sharing of the cup symbolises the sharing in marriage. The ring symbolises:

a) A symbol of eternity - As it never ends
b) A symbol of Unity - The same for rich and poor
c) Symbol of simplicity - A plain gold band

7. The Ketubah

The Ketubah is then read out aloud in Aramaic and the local language. This publicly announces the intentions of the bridegroom for his bride.

8. The seven blessings

The seven blessings of marriage are then recited. These are called the SHEVA BARACHOTH, again over a goblet of wine. These blessings praise God as the creator of all things and more especially of humanity. The blessings continue with reference to the hopes of the Jewish people and a request the bride and the bridegroom may know all the different forms of happiness created by God.

9. After the Sheva Baracoth a cup of wine is then drunk.

10. The bridegroom then symbolically breaks a glass under his foot.

a) Symbolising the destruction of the temple in 70AD
b) Symbolising the times of pain as well as joy within marriage

11. The priestly blessing is then said over the couple. [Numbers 6:24-26]. The congregation say the "Mazel Tov" and the couple leave to sign the registers.