Marriage

Key Idea: Marriage is a lifelong companionship of mutual love hallowed by God.

The Christian religion sets a high value on marriage. The joining of a man and a woman in holy matrimony is thought to reflect the union of Jesus and his followers (the church). In the gospels Jesus taught that God's purpose was that marriage should be lifelong and intimate.

"In the beginning God created them Male and Female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh"

Mark 10:7

"Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church ..... A man who loves his wife loves himself ..... for this reason a man will leave his Mother and Father and unite with his wife"

Ephesians 5:21-33 (part)

Why get married?

The church recognises three reasons for getting married:

• the couple's mutual help and relationship;
• the right relationship for physical intimacy;
• the procreation of children. from the ASB (Anglican prayer book)

In Britain many people, even though they may not be Christians, get married in church. They feel it is important to make the solemn and important promises of marriage in a special place. The Roman Catholic, Anglican, and Orthodox churches regard marriage as a sacrament. Through the blessing of marriage each partner become the channel of God's love to the other. In the Church of England the marriage service reminds couples of this.

"God is love, and those who live in love live in union with God: and God lives in union with them" [1 John 4:16]
"No human being must then separate that which God has joined together" [Mark 10:9]

All the Christian churches teach that a relationship with another person while you are married is wrong. This is called adultery.

"I tell you anyone who looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of adultery with her in his heart" [Matthew 5:28]

The teachings of the marriage ceremony

A simple summary of the teachings of the marriage ceremony can be remember by using the acronym 'purpose'

Procreation - having children
Union - a loving partnership of living together
Rearing children - providing nurture & security
Pattern for society - family unit of mutual support
One flesh - sexual intimacy
Sacred - blessed by God
Eternal - lifelong faithful relationship

In order to help couples prepare for their marriage many churches insist that they attend a number of "engaged couples" courses. These will cover subjects such as:

Cohabitation
Commitment
Compromise
Communication
Cash ! (or lack of it)

The marriage service

The marriage service is different in different Christian denominations but two things are common, the exchanging of rings and the making of vows.

The symbolism of the ring is taken from the Jewish tradition and rings are said to be:

• round - to symbolise the eternity of marriage
• gold - to symbolise the purity of marriage
• plain - to symbolise the simplicity of marriage

it is also worn, traditionally, on the 3rd finger of the left hand, said to be where a vein runs directly to the heart.

The vows vary but the ones below from the Church of England's marriage service are typical.

"I (N) take you (M) to be my wife / husband , to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer , in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part, according to God's holy law; and this is my solemn vow."

(from the Alternative Service Book p 291)

See also: Divorce