Hindu Jokes

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A Hindu devotee asked God, represented by the multi-armed Lord Narayana, this question. "My dear Lord," he said. "I understand that you have innumerable inconceivable potencies. But out of all of them the energy of light seems to be the most amazing. Light pervades the spiritual world, it illuminates the material universes, and life is impossible without it." He continued, "I would like to know how you make it work."

"Oh, that's easy," was the reply. "Many hands make light work."

Did you hear about the Hindu yogi who was having a filling put in a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted novocaine, the yogi said, "No. I can transcend dental medication."

Papa, today we had to count at school, and all other students could only count to five but I could count to ten.' Yes, my son. That is because you are a Hindu,' says the father.

The next day Tali Ram's son returns again. Papa, today we had to recite the alphabet, all other kids could reach only up to F but I could reach K.' Yes, my son. That is because you are a Hindu,' replies the father.

The next day the son returns and says, Today we had sports class. I could run much faster than all the other kids in my class. Is that because i am a Hindu?' Whereupon the father replies, `No, my son. That is because you are already 25 years

A Televangelist a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said: "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. The Rabbi replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that this is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the Televangelist to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the Akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him. Kansa furious then ordered to put Vasudev and Devki behind the bars. When the first son is born, Kansa kills him by poisoning... second child is born and Kansa throws him off the mountain peak...third child is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous and confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in mahabharata then how come you have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child was going to kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME CELL ?

Masterji fainted.........................

Here's what Rama would write if he placed an ad in the matrimonial

"Handsome, healthy, wheatish-complexioned, 3 x 10^7 years old, 5'7" tall Prince-Regent (with green card) seeks homely, well-bred wife less than 5'4" tall. The boy (sic) has been married once, two twin sons by first marriage i.e. highly potent, first wife missing (believed to have been swallowed by her over-protective mother (don't ask, thanks)).

He is an excellent archer, but he thinks he is some kind of divine incarnation (don't they all!). Bit of a daddy's boy, will do anything for the old man. Prospective girls should have NO interest in any golden deer they happen to see in the forest. (Trust me, this has proven to be A Bad Idea the first time around.) Should be willing to relocate to Ayodhya. Must like camping in the wild for several years, if necessary. Some foreign travel involved, including kidnapping and incarceration by physically deformed asuras, etc. Also, must be willing to deal with monkeys on a daily basis. Serious replies only. Include daytime telephone number.

A Sardarji finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate that he decides to ask Bhagwan for help. He goes into the temple and begins to pray...........

"Oh Bhagwan, please help me, I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto".

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. The Sardarji goes back to the temple "Bhagwan, please let me win the lotto, I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and the Sardarji still has no luck!! Back to the temple..................

"My Bhagwan, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order???".

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the sky parts open and the Sardarhi is confronted by the voice of the God: "SARDARJI, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET".

Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.