Religious Humour

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A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer

A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer's house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.

The Hindu says, 'I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn.' So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the Hindu and he says, 'There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.'

So, the Rabbi says, 'I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn.' A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.

So, the lawyer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.

It's the pig and the cow.

Three men of the cloth were discussing different ways God had proved his faithfulness and protection to them, and each one had an ace up his sleeve to settle the argument his way. The priest went first:

"Oi was out fishin' in a boat, and to be sure it was the grandest day's fishin' Oive ever hud. Da poor wee fish were ever so keen to take my bait, and soon dere were so many fish dat Oi could fit no more into da boat. "But before Oi could t'ink about turnin' for home, da skoy hud soodenly turned inky black, as t'under and loitnin' crashed and flashed all around me. Da wind was wailin' loik a banshee, and da waves were terrifoyin'. Oi knew dat Oi had no hope to survive unless Oi knelt down amoong da fish and Oi began to pray a Hail Mary. "Suddenly, as da storm continued its terrifoyin' destrooction, Oi knew dat da Good Lord hud heard moy prayer, for everyt'ing around me for two hoondred yards became as calm as a millpond!"

The vicar described his love of bushwalking, where he could be at one with the Lord and his creation: "One beautiful Summer afternoon, I was walking along a ridge. Breathtaking views ahead of me, with the freshness of eucaplypts and the shrill symphony of birdcalls dazzling my senses. Suddenly flames swept up from behind me and shot hundreds of feet into the air, barbecuing birds in mid-flight, as they dropped like stones to the ground. The heat was devastating, the wind was swirling smoke and sparks and soot all around me , and I knew it was the end. Yet as I knelt on the parched ground and began the "Our Father," it suddenly started raining, and for the rest of the day everything around me for two hundred yards stayed as fresh and virginal as the Garden of Eden itself!"

"Vell, as you know," said the rabbi, "The Sabbat' is our special day. Ve do no vork, ve carry out no business, ve do not even drive our cars, ve have not'ing to do vit' money, ve don't look at money, ve don't even t'ink about money. But vun Sabbat' I vas valking to t'e synagogue ven a car raced around a corner so fast it nearly ran me over! I stepped back out of its vay, but it vas going so fast t'at its back door flew open and a big bag flew out and knocked me to my knees. When I looked into t'is bag I saw t'at it vas full of money and I knew t'at t'is vas a getavay car from a robbery. So I stayed on my knees and I prayed and I found in t'is bag over one hundred and fifty t'ousand dollars! T'is is because miraculously, everyt'ing around me for two hundred yards became a Vednesday

One day a Priest, a Pastor and a Rabbi were talking. Then suddenly the Priest says "lets see who can convert a bear to their religion".

So the Priest the Pastor and Rabbi all take turns in going into the woods and finding a bear to convert.

First the Priest comes back with some scratches on his face and says " The bear was fierce but as soon as I put some holly water on its head it just stopped".

Then the Pastor comes out with what looks like a broken arm and says "The bear was tackling me to the ground but as soon as we fell into a lake and I baptized it he was calm.

Then, 2 days later, the Priest and the Pastor go to the Hospital to find the Rabbi lying in bed with full body in cast. They asked "What happened?" the Rabbi replies "Maybe circumcision wasn't the best way to start"